Hold On Loosely

"Hold on loosely, but don't let go, if you hold on too tightly babe, you're gonna lose control."

I used to live with the mentality that every one of my actions or inactions directly contributed towards my future in some respect or the other. Then it dawned on me, I was never afraid of the future; I was afraid that the future would not be as good, that I, or people in my life would not be as happy as I had planned, hoped or as good or happy as they were in the present. But how can I say that when I didn't truly knew what it meant to live in the present? The fear of change, of despair, of hurt, and/or of disappointment consumed me to the point that I would obsess over making every decision that could in some possible way contribute to the future. I built my life around this concept and lifestyle, I was fully aware of the affects it was having on my life yet I was not willing to give up control, until 2 months ago. It was like God threw me in the backseat and said "hang on and buckle up, because it is going to be a long, bumpy ride!" Looking back, I can not thank Him enough for taking control, because without Him, I wouldn't have been strong enough to change what needed to be changed in my life; because after all, I was terrified by the concept of change, not to mention the thought of changing probably 2 of the biggest parts of my life at the time. I used to hold onto many things in my life too tightly, various relationships, expectations of myself and of others, and my control over what the future brought. At some point or another, I realized each of these things I was holding onto so tightly were also the things that the tighter I held, the further I drifted from real faith. The faith that frees you to the point where you don't have to hold on tightly, to anything but God. The faith that frees you from worry, fear, guilt and disappointment. No, I am not saying that just because you have faith, nothing bad will happen to you in your life, because it will. But instead of falling on your face, God promises you a safety net, always. A safety net that will always sustain you, always give you strength, and will never let you fall to the point where His grace cannot protect you.

Over break I went on vacation to Florida with my family, my future brother-in-law and my amazing friend Christie. Christie and I went parasailing one day, something I had always wanted to do. Right before sending us into the air with only a strap to hang onto, the captain told us "Don't give the strap a death grip, you'll get tired." Later I thought about what he said and realized it was just what I needed to do in my life. Don't hold onto life with a death grip, you will get tired and you will get weak. Instead, allow yourself to be guided by a professional who knows what He's doing.

I am currently reading a book that Nina recommended called bittersweet. I haven't even gotten past the first 2 chapters but I am already recommending that anyone and everyone get this book in their possession. In the first chapter, the author illustrates the concept of change through an ocean wave saying, "If you try to stand and face the wave, it will smash you to bits. If you dig and fight the changes, they will smash you to bits. They'll hold you under, drag you across the rough sand, scare and confuse you. But if you can find it within yourself, in the wildest of seasons, just for a moment, to trust in the goodness of God, who made it all and holds it all together, you'll find yourself drawn along to a whole new place, an there's truly nothing sweeter. Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work on you."

So that is what I'm doing, I have never felt so much opportunity given to me in my life. Opportunity to just be in a relationship with Jesus for once and let Him transform me instead of trying to transform myself. I have learned that ruin is the road to transformation, and it is beautiful. I have learned that change is not easy, but it is a long journey worth finishing. So hold on loosely but don't let go. And through it all know that God doesn't make mistakes. "When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate, and when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

Thank you, Jesus. Literally.

After "christian organization hopping" for the first two months of college I finally feel like I'm heading in the right direction. The first week, I tried Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) and a local church Fairfax Community Chapel. A couple weeks later I tried Chi Alpha (another christian gathering type organization). In all 3 of these organizations I was searching for one thing: a small group that resembled in any amount the type of community I got from my small group in Williamsburg. I knew no matter where I found it, I couldn't hold an expectation of it being the same thing as my best friends and I at home. But I knew it was the one steady thing missing from my life here. I got a text from a small group leader, Kirsten, giving me a time and a place to meet if I wanted to go to a small group bible study. She was affiliated with Cru. I had never met her or anyone in the group, I was going into it blindly but I was excited to finally give it a try. So I went, and loved it. They started with "high and low" a game where you go around and tell everyone a high of your week and a low of your week. Something we alwaysss did at home, it was great. We studied a passage in Matthew, my favorite book in the Bible! I took these things as "signs" I was in the right place at the right time. I met a girl who is always a new member to a campus sorority, we have the same thoughts, concerns and excitements towards. It was great to find another girl in a sorority who didn't drink and also has a long-distance boyfriend like me and who had the same desire to pursue a small group following God. It was a great start to something I think has amazing potential. You always have to start somewhere, right?

The Hardest Thing About Being Away From Home

Going into college I had one fear. It was inevitable to occur sometime throughout my 4 years at college but I absolutely dreaded the time when it would. Of course, it happens the first month being away from home. Being sick. The beginning of being sick is the worst, not because of the level of discomfort or pain, but because you know that the next week is going to most likely be miserable due to the fact the sickness has to get worse before it can get better. Early last week I noticed something wasn't right but it wasn't until last Wednesday where I woke up and couldn't swallow, breathe without coughing, or breathe at all for that matter. I went to the medical clinic on campus to test for strep, negative. They said it was a cold and sent me home with nothing. 5 days later, I have lost my voice,could barely open my eyes, had achy lungs and stomach from coughing and contracting so much and could barely taste or hear anything. This was the meanest cold I had ever met! Every person I know becomes a total momma's girl/boy whenever they come down with something; I am no exception. I mean the only thing I wanted was my mom or dad! After a pitty-party with my dad on the phone I decided I needed to get checked out again. I have never been more thankful for family than I have been this past weekend. I texted my Aunt Deb to ask her to come with me to Urgent Care off campus, she dropped anything she was doing and was in her car on her way to get me (which isn't a super close drive)! I was so happy to have family around me I could probably cry. Which sounds really dramatic but after the 6th day of being sick and feeling really crappy, it is the truth! I'm so thankful to have such awesome family around me! The doctor at Urgent Care said I have had 2 viruses back to back of each other and since my immune system didn't really have time to recover from the first virus, that's why the second virus got in so quickly and why it blew up the way it did. I love doctors. She prescribed me some meds and I was on my way! I am now fully stocked with anything and everything to cure any "cold" that comes my way ever again! 

On a happier note...

This past week, in the midst of all the sickness, I got a Big Sister and Aunt in my sorority! A Big and Aunt are two girls who serve as role models and provide guidance throughout your sorority experience! After making a list of girls whom I wanted as a Big and Aunt, "clue week" began. Clue Week is a week where both, your aunt and your big, leave you clues as to who they are. Most of the time the girls put ridiculous lies so you really never know who it is until Big/Little Reveal night. I had no idea who to expect! But after an awesome ceremony, I met my Big and Aunt and they were exactly who I'd hoped they would be.

Meet my Big, Ashley, who is also my pledge class's Pledge Mom

And my Aunt, Kelsey (We all call her KVV which are her initials because there are multiple Kelseys in Alpha Phi

I personally think KVV looks exactly like Christina Applegate, just my opinion :)
After the ceremony, the whole chapter went out to a movie together, Toy Story 3, which I would recommend to anyone/everyone!

Sophie, Meghan, Ashley, and me outside of the movie in our tye-dye shirts that Ashley and Meghan made their littles :)

Overall, I'm so happy for the way things worked out with Alpha Phi and my Big and Aunt. Both of these girls are awesome women whom I can look up to and seek advice from as well as be really good friends with. I consider them two of my my personal role models and great friends. :)
After this very long, rainy, and cold week I'll be SO so happy to be coming home to Williamsburg this weekend, sleep in my own bed, and cuddle my adorable dog, Charlie! One other thing I noticed after this week, you can never have too many Puffs Plus tissues lying around!

Can I just be 18 forever?

This past weekend Seth came to visit! We've been planning the DC Zoo trip since before I even came to school. Going to somewhere fun, like the zoo, AND have it be a free event is a newfound college students dream. So it was awesome. I had never seen a 20 ft anaconda before except for in the movie, and if you know me at all, I never planned to. But trust me, seeing it in person made it feel more like a 40 ft death machine that was a 1/2 inch of glass away from me. That's as close to a snake as I would ever like to be, and I am willing to accept that!

The metro experience is always a fun one, especially when you come from a town like Williamsburg. Seth and I mutually decided that although the metro was fun, neither of us would ever like to be in the position where we would have to take it everyday to work; very stressful! Maybe that's the Williamsburg in us but oh well!

So this past week I've realized how much I love, love being 18. I love how I've had to become more responsible and am learning new things everyday. We're at the age where I've truly realized, the world is ahead of us. I mean people have told me that all along but I hadn't taken in to heart and understood it until now. Making mistakes is not only accepted, but vital in order to adjust to this new experience and to become who I will be for the rest of my life. I am more dependent on my faith now than I have ever been because of the fact that I have no clue what is ahead of me for the first time, but of course He does, and I've learned to trust him 100%. Why can't I learn this much all the time? Can't I just be 18 forever?

Playing Catch-Up!

This past week has been so busy, but great! I finally feel like I'm really getting the hang of things around here, and I love it even more than I did before. Last weekend was rush. Going into it I was nervous but confident I'd end up where I was meant to be (If I was even meant to be anywhere). From the beginning, I knew which sorority fit exactly what I was looking for, Alpha Phi. Alpha Phi is filled with amazing, down-to-earth girls who love their sorority, love their philanthropy (charity), and love each other. This group reminded me a lot of my small group back home, which is probably a reason why I immediately clicked with them and felt a sense of "home". They are all so supportive and excited for the idea of bringing Nicaragua, here! All week I've been getting to know more and more of these girls and with each new name I learn, I feel more and more reassured that this is the home away from home, for me. Alpha Phi is also very competitive in sports, we play intramural everything against other sororities all year long. Right now, softball is going on, but I literally can not wait until winter when I'll be able to finally play volleyball again! Allison, Ashley and I all new members of Alpha Phi, or "Baby Phis" and I couldn't be happier that we are all in this together! So the other day, we decided to make "Alpha Phi memory boxes" together. (Mom you'll love these, another example of my craftiness handed down from you to me!)

Onto a funnier note... Allison and I found the perfect halloween costumes while in the middle of grocery shopping yesterday...

I found a hotdog dog costume so my new plan is to buy the costume allison has on, buy the dog hotdog costume for  my own little hotdog charlie... and we'll match this year :)

So after doing my laundry today, I pretty much came to the conclusion I could have a whole blog dedicated to stories from the laundry room; it's great. Well anyways, I came into the laundry beginning to dread the though of being in there for a couple hours when I heard music! A guy had obviously had the same dreadful thought that I had had, so he decided to bring his Ukulele to the laundry room, sit on top of the counter, and give us all a free concert singing included! It was a nice surprise to sit in on :). After getting all of my clothes fresh out of the dryer I bring them to my room to fold. Then I realize there is a first time for everything. I take out a shirt I had just bought last week to notice it was a little shorter than before I washed it; I had shrunken my first shirt less than a week after I got it! Oh the Driskill women genes never fail! My shirt had gone from this...

to this...

So, oh well, there really is a first time for everything :)

To wrap it up...

I'm so excited for Seth to get here tomorrow! We're all going to go to the DC Zoo! So excitinggg!! :) 

Love you guys! Hope everyone is doing amazingly :)

To My Favorite Two People

HAPPY 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!

Every time I try to comprehend how long 25 years really is, I get blown away. In 25 years, you two have raised 2 girls, lived in 4 different states, worked thousands of hours to provide for a wife in order for her to cook thousands of amazing meals and to have us be able celebrate 91 birthdays, and 25 christmases together. AND you have loved each other the whole time? That's something that should truly be celebrated. I can't tell you guys how much the family you have raised has meant to me, especially lately. As a TEAM, you both have done such an incredible job with Jessica and I. Your mission in life was always to make us as happy as possible and to make our lives "easier", even if that meant sometimes having to be the bad guy. You two are the most amazing couple I know comprised of the two most amazing, respectable, inspiring people I know. I will never hesitate to say that you have always made us as happy as we can be, and you have always made our lives easier. You will always have your two daughters and you will always have a family that supports, loves, and cares so much about the two of you and your marriage. And any way you choose to see it, you will always have each other. I love you both so very much, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.

One of my favorite quotes to keep in mind:
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But here was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination."
-Alfred D. Souza

Home Sweet Home, and Back Again

This weekend I realized 3 things about myself:

1. I am very indecisive.

2. I can be somewhat impulsive.

3. I'm pretty sure I'm a record-breaker.

Now I'll explain.

Earlier in the week, I felt really homesick. Considering I had a 5-day weekend, I wondered if I should go home or not for some of it. So what do college freshman do when they don't know what to do? They call their moms of course, and so did I. We decided it would almost be a "tease" for me to come home and it was probably a better idea if I stayed and stuck it out. So we went with that, the first two days of the weekend. It didn't last long after the fact that I was on the phone with my mom Sunday night talking to her about struggling with future decisions and the longing for my bed when she planted the seed in my head that I could always come home for a day and go back the next. What do you get when you put a mom and a homesick impulsive college student together? Road-tripping home for the day! As well as the world record for shortest time away at college before coming home for the first time. Struggling with the decision of rushing for a sorority, what to get involved in, missing my home church and my home in general, I felt like I just needed to remove myself from GMU for a day to refocus, and ground myself. Kind of in hopes of going home, to realize/maybe even miss my new home. It was exactly what I needed. After everything, I realized that I came here determined to bring the Nicaragua Fund/ trip to Mason and that will continue to be my main priority (besides school). If I find that a commitment to a sorority still allows me the time to start this organization and pursue it accordingly then that might be the answer and balance I've been searching for. For now, I'll be attending the orientation for recruitment on Thursday night and take it from there. I've been praying about it a lot and I know God will give me some sort feeling to head in the right direction, so I'm not worried :) 

Anyways...

Today, instead of the 5-hour long seminar again, we went a the National Museum of the American Indian in DC! I've started to really like going into the city, using the metro, and just exploring! Mom you'll be happy to hear that I finally like to explore things like you! DC is great, for a day, but I now know I could never live in the heart of a city, I couldn't imagine taking the metro to work every single day! But I love the day trips and can't wait to do more. :)